Dancing With the Trainwrecks

I’m a few days late catching up with the important news of the day, but it looks like Sarah Palin’s 19-year-old daughter Bristol will be among the “celebrities” competing on the upcoming season of ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars”. First let me say that I’m sure Bristol is a lovely young woman. But a star? Isn’t her only claim to fame being impregnated by her hockey-loving-boyfriend, who’s currently filming a reality television show about his run for Mayor of Wasilla, AK, former seat of his almost-mother-in-law? Follow all that? Good thing Sarah left her post as Alaska’s governor, as it will give her more time to (inarticulately) continue bashing the Obama administration at every turn AND support her daughter’s turn on the dance floor.

In related “poke your eyes out” news, David Hasselhoff (German for “Eats Hamburgers Off Floors”) is also a contestant on the show, which kicks off its eleventh season later this month. As a gift to all humankind, David says says he won't be wearing any tight leotards. "You won't see me in Spandex because it reveals too much of The Hoff," he dreams. Instead, he says he’ll be showcasing his personality, “I'm going to be big on attitude and big on interpretation.”

And as a sure sign of the impending apocalypse, also trainwrecking on the show will be the “Situation” from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” and Michael “How-Am-I-Supposed-To-Live-Without-You” Bolton. And the saddest thing of all? I’m certain this will be a ratings bonanza for ABC-TV.