Monday, February 6, 2012

I’ll take Rose Marie to block

I love TV game shows…always have, always will. And the best of the breed are the old classics: “Joker’s Wild”, “Concentration”, “To Tell the Truth”, “Liar’s Club”, “What’s My Line?”, “Password”, “Truth or Consequences”, and “High Rollers”. Before we switched cable providers, we used to have access to The Game Show Network, but sadly, it was filled with modern remakes, not the old chestnuts. If GSN ran wall-to-wall classic game shows, I’d be all over it.

One of the best game shows I remember was “Hollywood Squares”, in which contestants battled for prizes and cash, aided by the nine celebrities stacked up, Brady Bunch style, in a big Tic-Tac-Toe board. Peter Marshall headed up the show, and although it’s common knowledge that the celebrities were provided the funny answers by the show’s team of comedy writers, it was still great entertainment.

My friends Dave and Michelle recently forwarded me an e-mail that contained some of the best bits from Hollywood Squares. Brought me right back to sitting cross-legged in front of the big console TV in our living room, my dog at my side, waiting for me to share a handful of buttered popcorn, and laughing out loud with my family.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?   
Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.  
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be ?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or  False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.   

Q. In  Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or le ss with your hands while talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q:. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is
politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Enjoy these classic clips:


  1. Love it, love it, love it. I remember these! That middle bunch is great. :)

  2. Lynde got all the best lines - makes me think that HE made them up!




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